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Defend Yourself Against an Alien Attack!

Last week me and the boss were touring a factory in Chicago. The boss got into a bit of a punch up with some bum headed alien and once again yours truly had to step in and save his life.

What do you do when some fucking goof attacks you with a blunt object like a hammer or a wrench? This presents a bit of a quandary. Do you shoot the cock sucker or do you have some fun with him?

The most important thing to remember is not to get hit. I once got hit on the head with a brick. Ouch that smarted. Anyhow, thatís rule number 1. How you react depends on how skilled your attacker is with his weapon. I find that bum headed aliens are really easy to beat up. The aliens hit like sissies and are really easy to dodge. Its all choreography until you kick them in the balls or crush their windpipe. I usually let them take one swing at me. It's real easy to step aside and give them one in the back of the head. Usually they go down like a sack of potatoes. If they havenít learned a lesson and try to get up to take another shot at you, a kick in the balls will usually persuade them not to.

Occasionally you meet a particularly tough, mean, or stupid individual and you have to get nasty. A case in point is the bum headed alien last week. I punched him, kicked him in the balls a couple of times and the little dink kept on coming. I have to give the little cock sucker credit. Finally, as a last resort I pulled out my good friend, Mr. Switchblade. End of story.

So remember, if someone attacks you with a blunt object, punch him in the head, then kick him in the balls. If that doesnít do the trick, aerate him.

Ciao baby.

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© 2004 The Wicked Scholar