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The 10 Most Boring and Irritating People and Events of 2002

Well folks, here we are, New Year’s Eve 2002. On this day of reflection, I decided to compile a list of the top 9 most irritating people and events of the past year (it started out as the top 10 most irritating people and events of the year but I got bored).

1. Cirque de Soleil. Alright, I know they sell out every show, but how many times can you watch some guy flying around hanging from a strap before it gets really boring. Different costumes, same boring crap every time. Plus, the music sucks. Guy Laliberte, it’s time for a career change.

2. Reality TV shows. The fact that idiotic shows like Survivor draws millions of viewers every night just confirms my suspicion that Americans are about the stupidest people on earth. Now they are advertising for the Bachelorette. The only person who is dumber than all the people who will watch the show is the stupid bitch who is the bachelorette.

3. Star Wars. Attach of the Clones had to have been one of the lamest, most irritating movies of all time. Each of the Star Wars movies has been worse than its predecessor. Now Jedi knights can apparently defy the laws of physics. Yoda looks like he can hardly wipe his own ass and here he was, jumping around like he was in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? Georgie boy, it’s time to find a new career.

4. George Bush. Oh boy, a moron is the Commander in Chief of the most powerful nation on earth and has his finger on the launch button of a huge nuclear arsenal. Is that scary or what? He has a hate on for Iraq. Says they have weapons of mass destruction. Doesn’t know what they are or where they are, but he is willing to go to war over them and kill countless civilians. When we go to war we bury our soldiers, they bury their children. After the Gulf War the U.S. encouraged Iraqis to revolt against Saddam. When they did, the Americans abandoned them and hundreds of thousands were killed. Gee, could that be why Americans are universally hated around the world and some people will go to extreme lengths to kill them? Remember, as Spock said, "Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely."

5. Vancouver B.C. Olympic bid. Can’t afford to spend money on health care or education, but the government of B.C. can consider spending 9 or 10 billion dollars on hosting an Olympic games for 2 weeks. And what’s up with those stupid commercials? Some moron saying his Olympic dream is to see the ski hills opened up to handicapped skiers. I thought they already were. I’ve never seen a sign on a ski hill saying “Sorry Dude, Handicapped Skiers Not Allowed.”

7. Ed. It used to be a great show then Ed started to obsess about Carol. Ed started to act even more quirky than usual and the show got really boring. Sort of like what happened to the X Files when it got too dark and Chris Carter started to take himself too seriously. And what’s up with those stupid $10.00 bets? “Hey Ed, 10 bucks says you won’t go over and stick your cock in that guy’s ass.” “Ah, come on Mike.” “10 bucks Ed.” “Oh, alright Mike.” “Go man go!”

8. Sony Pictures or whoever the hell it is who owns the rights to Seinfeld for not releasing the series on DVD. I can’t afford cable, but I would sell one of my kidneys to have the whole series on disc.

9. Michael Jackson. What is up with the freaky little fuck? He’s starting to look like one of the orks from Lord of the Rings. Doesn’t this guy ever look in a mirror?

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© 2002 The Wicked Scholar