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How Not to Get Buggered

Today I want to tell you about how you can prevent getting buggered.

  Did you know that a long time ago British sailors used to grow these long sideburns called bugger handles?  They was called bugger handles because when one guy was given it to another guy up the ass, he could grab onto the bugger handles for more leverage. 

So anyhow, in prison there are lots of guys who want to bugger you.  One day last week I was taking a shower, next thing I knows, this geezer comes into the shower a gives me this funny look.  Then I notices that there’s a couple of other guys hanging around outside the entrance to the shower.  I starts to think “hey, what the fuck.”  I knew these guys was up to no good but I figure, I’ll keep the element of surprise; not show I’m suspicious or anything, and see what happens.

  Luckily, the boss gave me a soap on a rope before I went off for my incarceration.  This geezer asks if he can borrow my soap so I says “no problem man.”  Next thing I know he’s lathering up his tallywacker and ass and looking like he’s getting off.  I’m starting to get really pissed off and know that this fucking guy wants to bugger me.  I ask for my soap back and before I know it, the other 2 guys come into the shower naked and the first guy comes toward me with this goofy grin on his face and a hard-on in his hand.  

Anyhow, I know what these faggots have in mind so I casually take hold of the soap on a rope by the rope.  As soon as the first guy is close enough, whack, I swing the soap like a blackjack and wipe the grin off his face.  He screams like a girl and falls down on all fours.  I smack him again, this time on the back of the head and he’s out for the count. 

The other 2 geezers move in so I kick the first one in the balls and crack him on the side of the head with the soap.  Two down and one to go.  The other guy tries to run away but slips on the wet floor.  I crack him once on the back of the head to teach him a lesson.  

So anyhow, I finish taking my shower and by the time the 3 Stooges are conscious again, I’m resting comfortably in my little abode.  In this little altercation I made one serious mistake.  Do you know what it was?  Thats right, I should never have let the guy use my soap.  If he had been as mean and vicious as me I could have been in trouble. So remember, soap on a rope is not only good for washing, it can also save you from getting buggered.


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© 2002 The Wicked Scholar