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Being the fun loving rapscallions that we are, from time to time the Wicked Scholars like to hold a contest. Keep checking this page frequently because we have some great give-aways waiting in the wings, for example, you could win a date with Guiseppi!

Last week, the Wicked Scholars met to sort through the hundreds of entries received for our fantastic free Bluebells cd giveaway contest. While we feasted on fresh oysters and drank keg after keg of Guiness, we carefully scrutinized the e-mails, looking for the one that best deserved publication on the Wicked Scholar, and of course, the free CD by one of Scotland's greatest bands.

Here then is the winning e-mail:

Dear Wicked Scholars,

Before I discovered your website, I seriously did not think that I could go on living. You see, since I was a child, I have had this deathly fear of extraterrestrials. I have always been really afraid that they were going to abduct me and stick things up my ass. Truth is, every time I think about aliens, I shit myself.

I don't even believe in them, but if I think about them I lose control of my bowels. It's really embarrassing. Last week, I was sitting in a Starbucks having a coffee. A guy walked by and I thought to myself "hey, that guy looks kind of like an alien." All of a sudden, I shit my pants. People sitting around me started wrinkling their noses up and looking around, whispering to each other "did you shit yourself?" "No, it wasn't me, I thought it was you" and stuff like that. Anyhow, I had to get the hell out of there before it soaked through my pants.

I'm going to start to wear Attends whenever I leave the house now because I never know when I am going to see a picture of an alien. For example, I was walking downtown last week and I saw a parked VW van with an Alien Workshop sticker in the back window. I shit my pants when I saw it.

Anyhow, now that Iíve discovered your website and read some of your hilarious accounts of your investigations of abductions and ufoís, Iím not scared of aliens anymore. I still shit myself when I think about them, but then I start to laugh and I know Iím okay.

Thanks a lot guys, youíre the best!

Clark W.
Worchester Mass.

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