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The Wicked Scholar
That is not dead which can eternal lie
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H.P. Lovecraft

The Wicked Scholar

Research Shows That Most People Who Believe in Alien Abductions are Really Stupid

A new study by Dr. Lars Holmgren from the Swedish Institute of Science and published in the January 2004 issue of the British science magazine Nature has caused a furor in the abduction research community. Over the course of 20 years, Dr. Holmgren interviewed and involved thousands of abductees in psychometric testing to determine if there was a direct relationship between intelligence and a belief in alien abductions. His results were striking and already many who once fervently claimed to have been abducted and probed in the anus with foreign objects are now claiming that they were just kidding all along.

According to Dr. Holmgren, the average IQ of the 25,000 subjects who took part in the study was an astonishingly low 84. Average IQ in the general population is 100. Dr. Holmgren suggests that people really shouldn’t be so surprised that most people who claim to have been abducted by aliens are so stupid. “Really, who else do you think would really seriously think that aliens were coming to earth, abducting people, and sticking things up their asses? Only someone who was really pretty stupid would think that. I could understand a 12 year old believing in nonsense like that, but an adult?"

John Carpenter, Director of the Mutual Unidentified Flying Object Network (MUFON) was incensed by the article. “This guy is a dumb ass and I hate him. I hope aliens abduct him and stick a mega probe up his bum, then he’ll know what it’s like.”

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