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Never Underestimate Your Opponent

The topic of this particular article is "Don't Ever Underestimate Your Opponent," a mistake a lot of people make when they get into a physical confrontation.

To illustrate this point, I'm going to tell you about something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was walking down my street one night, thinking about stuff and having a smoke. All of a sudden, some little asshole in a car with one of those stereos that you can hear 6 blocks away comes tearing around the corner and damn nearly runs my foot over.

I was pretty pissed off and happened to catch up with the car about half a block later in a driveway. A couple of little pricks with goatees, baseball caps on backwards, and stupid looking jeans hanging down to their knees were getting out of the car so I called the driver over. I says, "hey buddy, do me a favour and don't drive that way on my street anymore okay." All of a sudden these 2 guys get all pissed and start rushing toward me all aggressive like. The driver goes ballistic and says "hey man, what the fuck's your problem. Shut the fuck up or I'm going to bust your head open for you."

He's a scrawny piece of shit about 6' tall with pimples all over his face and buck teeth. His buddy is shorter but heavier and looks like he knows how to take care of himself. The tall streak of misery gets in my face and starts screaming at me "what the fuck you going to do about it old man" and stuff like that. I'm not exactly an old guy, but I've got grey hair and am carrying around a few extra pounds. I gotta admit, I don't look like much but I'm the kind of guy Bruce Willis wishes he could be.

Normally, I try to talk my way out of things like this but I get the feeling that these assholes feel like smacking me around a bit. Anyhow, to make a long story short, while piece of shit #1 is yelling at me, I poke him in the eyes, grab him by the head, and bite him right on the bridge of his nose. He starts screaming like a little bitch so I clamp a tiger claw on his throat to shut him up. Piece of shit #2 comes at me with one of those clubs that you can put on your steering wheel to prevent theft. When someone comes at me with a weapon, all decorum goes right out the window. He swings at me and misses. He over rotates and leaves himself completely open. I sink my fist right up to the wrist in his kidney and club him one on the side of the head as he goes down for an 8 count. Meanwhile, the tall bitch is running around, threatening to call the cops on me so I get hold of him (I had to chase him across 3 front yards before I catch him) and hit him so hard his shoe laces break and kick him in the balls.

For good measure, I slash their tires then smash the shit out of their radio. So what is the moral of the story? Never, ever underestimate your opponent. Those little pieces of shit thought I was just some old guy that they could push around. They should have kept their mouths shut. The other moral of the story, if you're a little piece of shit with a goatee, a hat on backwards, and an attitude, stay the fuck off my street.

Ciao, Guiseppi

I Want More Guiseppi!

© 2002 The Wicked Scholar