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Don't Mess With Guys on Scooters

Being the hip European person that I am, I ride a scooter. The other day I was riding down the road, minding my own business when I notice an old piece of shit Volvo coming towards me, crowding the center line. As itís passing, someone starts screaming at me, calling me names, and heaves a half full drink container out of the driver window and hits me right in the chest.

The name calling I can take, but when someone throws something at me itís like lighting a fuse to a keg of dynamite. Apparently the retards in the car didnít realize how fast a real pissed off Croatian can go on a Vespa. I did a u-turn and took off down the road after them.

I catch up a couple of blocks later. The fuckers are stuck at a light and canít go forward or backward. So, I jump off my scoot and run up to the driverís window. Heís got the window rolled up and the doors locked. There are three guys in the car. They are those typical 23 year old loser guys in muscle shirts with long, straggly beards, tattoos, and a bunch of piercings who think they are so frigging cool. I can tell by the looks on their faces that theyíre thinking ďhey, thereís three of us, whatís this fucker going to do.Ē

Now, my favourite footwear is a pair of steel toed Doc Martenís. I motion to the driver to roll down the window and he flips me the middle finger and tells me to fuck off. So, hereís what I did.

First, I kicked in the window and grabbed the little prick by his ugly, straggly little fucking goatee. I dragged him right out of the car through the broken window. Then I snap off his antenna and start to whip him with it. The other two retards jump out of the car so I grab the first one by the throat. Heís got one of those stupid piercings through his eyebrow so I grab the thing and rip it right out of his face. Thereís a geyser of blood and the guy screams and starts to run away with his hands covering his face. After bouncing off of a couple of cars he hits the deck and rolls around on the road. The next guy comes at me so I kick him right in the stomach and grab him by the ears and smash his face on my knee. Meanwhile, the driver is back on his feet and begging me to stop so I grab him by the throat and throw him back against the car. Now, I could have really laid a licking on the guy but I decide no, I will be the bigger man and give the little asshole a break. I remind him to be a polite and courteous driver and then I jump back onto my scooter and ride away. All of this happened in the time it took the light to change.

Now, I hope that everyone who reads this has learned a couple of very valuable lessons. First of all, donít act like an asshole when you are driving. Second, donít assume that people riding scooters are girls or wimps.


I want more Guiseppi!

© 2004 The Wicked Scholar