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Just When You Thought Triathletes Couldn't Be More Gay

Triathlons have spawned a lot of totally gay trends, for example, aero bars on bikes, or people wobbling along on $5000 bikes at 10 miles per hour, but just when we all thought nothing could be more disturbing than men riding bikes in speedos, along comes the man-ssiere. Triathletes from Maui to Minsk have started to wear the piece of athletic apparel that looks just like a woman's bikini top. When asked why he wore a manssiere, former Iron Man Hawaii winner Mike Shaw said "I've always really liked to wear women's clothing, and now I can combine the two things I love most, triathlons and dressing like a woman."

Dave Wilson, President of the Federation of Uncool Triathletes (FUCT), the sport's governing body told the Wicked Scholar that he thinks that the manssiere is the best thing that has ever happened to triathlons. "I love the feeling I get when I'm running in my manssiere. My nipples get so hard and I start to have really vivid images of really hot, gay sex. When I'm out running and see another guy wearing a manssiere, I go up to him and say "hey girlfriend, want to come back to my place for a hot shower and a rub down? 90 percent of the time I score but every so often some guy says "stay away from me you fag." Obviously they don't know that only gay guys wear the manssiere."

When asked if the manssiere gave athletes any sort of competitive advantage, Dr. Laban Shrewsbury from the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Boulder, Colorado said "no, not at all. In fact, we were asked by some members of the U.S. Olympic team if they could wear the manssiere. We did extensive testing and found that athletes who wore the manssiere weren't any cooler than they were when they wore a full length sleeveless running top. We were kind of relieved because it gave us a good excuse to turn down the request because we really don't want our Olympic athletes to look like a bunch of idiots."

Really Cool Triathlete Wearing a Manssiere

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2007 The Wicked Scholar