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UFO Study Group Forming in Spuzzum

A pathetic group of losers led by Karina Schmaigle is forming a club for people who believe they have seen UFOs or aliens. Schmaigle says that she has made several UFO sightings, the first when she was 8 years old.

This struck a cord with Wicked Scholar Eric Wolf who remembers that when he was 8 years old he saw 30 or 40 UFOs each day. “As I got older, I foolishly began to believe that what I was actually seeing was airplanes, birds, clouds, weather balloons, the planet Venus and atmospheric anomalies. Boy, was I ever stupid.”

The society’s first major event is planned for this weekend and will take place in one of the old, abandoned sheds across the road from the Hotel Grand. The highlight of the evening will be a fashion show where society members will model fashions from the far reaches of the universe. As well, John Carpenter, the national director of abduction research for the Mutual UFO Network will be presenting a slide show and lecture.

Tickets are only $75.00 for the 13 minute presentation and are available through Schmaigle who can be reached at the Psychiatric Ward at Spuzzum General Hospital during visiting hours.

The Wicked Scholar’s Society was fortunate to receive a sneak preview of Carpenter’s slide presentation after Guiseppe broke into his car. It consisted of a fascinating collection of blurry images that Carpenter assures us are pictures of UFOs and aliens.

Carpenter will be using the same set of slides next week when he is the guest of the Mutual Ogopogo Frenology Organization (MOFO). He promises that the slide presentation will provide conclusive proof of the possible existence of Ogopogo, the legendary lake monster from British Columbia.

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